Recently I was giving our 10 month old a bath, and as usual, I was talking to entertain her. This has become our routine.
“Okay, now it’s time to wash your hair…”
“And under your chin…”
“And your tummy…”
“Now your little bottom…”
“And now that place that Daddy can never mention…”
My wife overheard this process, and gave me quite the hard time about it. Our daughter doesn’t need to grow up with some hang up or shame about her anatomy. And I couldn’t agree with her more. But the baby doesn’t have the hang up…it’s her father.
I think it’s because for men, the vagina is such a sexual organ, and most fathers aren’t too comfortable with the notion of their own daughters as sexual individuals. Of course I want her to grow up to be a happy, healthy, strong woman, responsible for her own orgasm, and all that jazz. I just don’t want to have to know about it.
So my wife and I reached an agreement. Now, when giving my daughter a bath, it’s no longer “that place which may not be mentioned”. It’s her Voldemort.
But a buddy of mine pointed out that this may some day make for awkward conversation at the doctor’s office:
Doctor: “Well, Baby’s all checked out. Everything’s healthy.
Dumb Father: “What about down there?”
Doctor: “Where?”
Dumb Father: “You know, doc, what about down there?”
Doctor: “Oh, her Voldemort? Yep, that’s fine too.”
