Real Men Don’t Buy Electric Spleen Agitators

The other morning I tried to borrow my wife’s GTI to go to the gym (I have the responsible Dad car, she has the fun car...still not quite sure how that worked out). When I started it up, an annoying alarm sounded, along with a dashboard indicator saying, “Shut Down Engine Now. Oil Pressure 9 PSI”. I never made it into the gym, but I definitely got my heart rate elevated.


That car gets its oil changed every 5000 miles. Even use the full synthetics, so I have no idea what could be the problem. No pool of oil on the ground below the car; no advanced warning, no nothing. I called up our service guy and he just told me to put a couple of quarts in and drive it in.

I think what really pisses me off about this whole deal is that it reminds me that I am a complete ignoramus about most things car-related. I know how to jump a dead battery. I can put in a quart of oil, and 9 times out of 10, I won’t pour it down the wiper fluid intake. But that’s about it.

The service guy told me that VWs can burn a lot of oil. Sometimes up to a quart every 1000 miles. But it’s a 2007 with only 27,000 miles. It makes no sense to me that it could be burning that much oil. But what do I know? He could tell me it needs a new electric spleen agitator, and I wouldn’t know the difference.

I’ve thought about taking a basic course in auto maintenance at PCC. Probably should. But I’m just a little bit embarrassed about being there with a bunch of 15 year olds that all know more than I do, and they’re all laughing at my ignorance. How could someone get that old and still know so little?

Maybe I don’t know enough about cars to be a real man, but at least I can drive a stick shift. When my wife lets me borrow her car.